C-O-C-K-S-U-C-K-E-R!

Sienna received a text today from a guy she has been seeing after he turned down coming over to watch movies on Calypso's new DVD player. It said, "I'm confused."

This, in turn, of course... confused Sienna. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"I thought we liked each other," was the reply. This, of course, confused Sienna and the rest of us even more.

Putting herself in check and biting on her text-ing thumb, she replies, "I do like you. I like you a lot...but I told you I wanted to take this slow. You agreed. We're supposed to be dating."

They've had three dates so far.

"Yeah... I'm still confused," is the reply.

Holding herself back from throwing her precious phone across the room she breathes deep... talks it through.... and then says, "Well, when will I see you then?"

"IDK" is the reply. I - D - K... which means "I don't know" for those of you who don't habla. He didn't even spell it out... just three little letters... I - D - K.

Calypso had a date the other night. She texts the guy the next day to let him know that she had a really good time. He never answers her. She texts him later in the day, inviting him to watch movies and giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe work was hectic and maybe he just couldn't return her message (even though he had just told her the night before that work was very slow and he was barely scraping by). His answer is short, curt, and to the point, "No thanks. Have fun."

There was no apology for blowing her off earlier... no explanation, no "I had a good time, too."..."Can't wait to see you again"... "I don't think we're right for each other".... nothing!

My guy... "the Christ-child" as the girls call him since I think he walks on water... just started a new job. Great! He's a little freaked by it and texts and calls me like crazy all day the day before he starts. Then BAM! the day of... absolutely nothing till the next day at one in the afternoon. At least there was an apology but then....BAM! nothing again till three in the morning.... another apology... and then... you guessed it... BAM! Nothing! It's two in the morning now and I finally got a message. I asked him to text me when he gets off at three. I said I would wait up.

Let's say it all together now: S A P!

They say that women are crazy. This is not true. Women are rational, easy-to-get-along-with human beings that can get along famously together and are quite comfortable alone until you add one ingredient.... M E N!

I was doing just fine... being behind my wall of protection... stocking the moat with predators.... living a great and fun-filled, no regret life until you decided to come along... to be charming... to have the right answers... to say the right things.... to look at me with adoration in your eyes... to make my heart melt just enough to open the gate just a little... to lay down the drawbridge so you could look into the courtyard of the castle defenses and BAM! now I'm a crazy mess of a SAP who is searching frantically for the mortar and cement!

WTF!? You cocksuckers! You cocksuckers with balls that look like pachyderm knees... and not the young elephants either... the old fuckers with their dried up, gnarled, rough, wrinkly-ass knees.... You freaking cocksuckers with your woven over-played stories of "poor me" and "you're so great!' and "I understand"... and God forbid you say, "I love you!".... you know what? Fuck you! You cocksuckers!

Wanna know how you spell the word 'cocksucker'?

It's spelled J-E-F-F and R-I-C-K and B-E-N and C-H-R-I-S and M-I-K-E and B-O and S-A-M and A-D-A-M and T-I-M and E-R-I-K and D-A-V-I-D (all seven of them) and.... shall I go on?

Oh wait...LOOK! It's after three now. I'd better go just in case the Christ-child decides to text me. Bye!

Elexia

(This was a compilation of the conversation that me, Sienna, and Calypso had tonight. Just so you know... these aren't all my words... it was an orchestrated effort between the three of us as we ranted about our dating lives. We didn't protect anyone's identity. Like we freaking care.)

Ramblings by Elexia 08/10/09

My name is Elexia and I am over the age of forty. I've had my share of men in my lifetime... and relationships... and sometimes I wonder if its worth the effort. Love seems to be this fleeting thing that so many people just can't seem to grasp, but with every failure... no matter how miserable... they'll do anything to try again. I wonder about this sometimes... whether or not it's worth it? If Aphrodite's call to LOVE is the same as a siren's call to death upon the stony, craggy rocks of the oceans deep abyss..... if it's a death to the heart.... a death to the soul?

But then, every now and again, you get a glimpse... sometimes you're lucky to get a small taste... a small sip of that delicious elixir called LOVE and you know... you just know.... it IS worth it. LOVE, as an emotion is cruel and devilish... yet sweet and utterly sublime. It can quell the enraged beast yet can inflame the timid to action. Its haunt of aches and sorrows can disparage its call of tenderness and beauty. It is an emotion that can severely wrench the soul deep within whether in happiness or sadness. It is powerful and gentle. It is sweet and acidic.

I have been without love for a long time... the kind of love between two people that can be all the positive things in this world without fear of any of the negative. I have been cautiously guarding against it for a very long time.... fearful of what may transpire if I were to give in to that deep and desperate emotion that everyone longs for....

A crack appeared today.... a fault in the wall of that armour I've been tending to relentlessly for so long.... and the scary thing is is that I don't think I want to patch it. I think I want the breach to get widen... to allow for a taste... a sip... I just hope there are no mulberry trees nearby and someone doesn't accidentally call me Thisbe.

Gregorio Pagani "Pyramus and Thisbe"

"Money Can't Buy You Love" by Sienna

I met this guy on the Internet. He was very leery about trading pics
with me. The one he did eventually send was taken from very, very far away.
Turns out he was a little self conscious about his size. Truly, with
me, it's no problem.

Calypso, on the other hand, likes to call him "no eye guy" because
when he smiles his cheeks completely envelope his eyes. Let's just say
he was a BIG guy.

We agreed to meet at one of my favorite watering holes. We talked,
joked, and had a lot of fun. He turned out to be a very nice guy.

During our second or third date, it was mentioned as to how much I
love the band U2. David was eager to get tickets for us to go see them
when they came to town. He tried... but they sold out as quickly after
they are put on sale. Bummer. But it didn't preclude us from seeing
one another again.

On the next date we met at another favorite watering hole. Through the
course of conversation we were discussing the amount of repairs needed for
my new (old) jeep. David proceeded to offer to buy me a car.

Seriously!

A car, dude!

He offered to buy me a new car!

I turned down the offer.

I maybe a cheap date... but money can't buy you love.

Sienna
w/Elexia

Touch It

Sienna and Calypso joined me for an after party get together at one of our regular haunts. As close as we three are, we had separate celebrations for this years fourth of July so instead met up together after. Sitting quietly we started to discuss our nights events when we were interrupted by a very friendly drunk man. I know... it's what you should expect when you are in a bar... and it's not that we minded... not at first.

His name was Mike and he was fifty years old. He had just finished his truck run but didn't want to go home yet because he would disturb the household at two or three in the morning. He especially didn't want to wake his precious two year old daughter... the pride and joy of his life.

He exclaimed at the top of his lungs in the near empty bar that he liked us girls. Even though he could tell that Sienna was the "mean one" still he liked us, especially myself and Calypso. He nestled in between the two of us and put his arms around us for a moment, trying to draw us closer to him but the equal pressure from both sides were able to break his hold. Undaunted, he turned his attention to me.

"I wanna show you something," he whispers. "But if I show it to you I want you to touch it," he said a little louder. Loud enough for Calypso to hear. Her mouth dropped open at the insinuation. She turned away leaving me to fend for myself. Curiosity, they say, killed the cat. I expected blindness as I looked to see what he was hoping to expose. I was right. Momentary blindness enveloped me as I saw his hand on his crotch. My blurred eyes rip themselves away from the sight and tried focusing on the bottles of booze behind the bar.

"Touch it!" He exclaimed again, even louder. "Touch it! Touch it! Touch it!" he shouted eagerly, with vehemence.

"No!" I cried, "I'm not touching anything!"

"C'mon! I've been on the road for five weeks... Touch It!"

"Mike... I'm not touching anything. You've got a wife and daughter waiting for you at home...Stop that!"

"Bah!" he said and turned his attention to Calypso.

"Hey sweetheart," he said to the back of Calypso's dark brown hair. She desperately tried not to look at him at all. "Touch it!" he said.

"No!"

"Alright!" he acquiesced, but only for a moment. After a few minutes and the initial tension of the moment had been dampened he pointed to the figure on his polo and repeated to Calypso, "Touch it!" She again immediately looked away and said just as vehemently as he had before:

"NO!"

"Fine!" He sat in the seat next to Calypso and ordered another Red Bull and Vodka from the oblivious bartender.

An older lady entered the bar, sat next to Mike, and proceeded to play the video poker machine. She was wearing a polo shirt and baseball cap. It looked as if she had forgotten her teeth at home, but the girls and I could distinctly tell she was a she. This must have been completely lost on Mike because he turned to her and said:

"Hey! You got $20? I'd bet these nice ladies would be more than happy to give you a big old bear hug for $20."

Appalled that he was not only trying to pimp us out, but pimp us out to a woman, I said, "Mike! What the hell are you doing? You can't pimp out three girls you just met to a stranger! Especially not to another woman. What the hell is wrong with you."

Mike turned to the lady sitting next to him and drunkenly asked, "You're a woman?!"

It is finally at this point where the bartender came over and said something to the intoxicated Mike. He left soon after that stumbling out the door. I hope that when he got home he was able to talk his wife into touching it.

The Core of the Curvacious

There are three of us that supply these stories to start. We know so many more of us lovely BBW women that if they agree, we may include their stories as well. The point of this blog is to show that the larger women of the world are just as desirable, just as sexy, and just as vulnerable as the rest. Not that we need to prove it, but so many have taken on the task of saying that the reason we can't find love is because of the way we look. This is simply not true!

It's because the dating world SUCKS! Not always... but of the male count we did between us when we started keeping track, the bad dates outweighed the good by a whopping 85%. That's a truth.

But besides all the political, and social bull crap that goes with the reason for the blog... there is another truth:

These are Great stories and they are funny as hell!