Friday, July 24, 2009

Touch It

Sienna and Calypso joined me for an after party get together at one of our regular haunts. As close as we three are, we had separate celebrations for this years fourth of July so instead met up together after. Sitting quietly we started to discuss our nights events when we were interrupted by a very friendly drunk man. I know... it's what you should expect when you are in a bar... and it's not that we minded... not at first.

His name was Mike and he was fifty years old. He had just finished his truck run but didn't want to go home yet because he would disturb the household at two or three in the morning. He especially didn't want to wake his precious two year old daughter... the pride and joy of his life.

He exclaimed at the top of his lungs in the near empty bar that he liked us girls. Even though he could tell that Sienna was the "mean one" still he liked us, especially myself and Calypso. He nestled in between the two of us and put his arms around us for a moment, trying to draw us closer to him but the equal pressure from both sides were able to break his hold. Undaunted, he turned his attention to me.

"I wanna show you something," he whispers. "But if I show it to you I want you to touch it," he said a little louder. Loud enough for Calypso to hear. Her mouth dropped open at the insinuation. She turned away leaving me to fend for myself. Curiosity, they say, killed the cat. I expected blindness as I looked to see what he was hoping to expose. I was right. Momentary blindness enveloped me as I saw his hand on his crotch. My blurred eyes rip themselves away from the sight and tried focusing on the bottles of booze behind the bar.

"Touch it!" He exclaimed again, even louder. "Touch it! Touch it! Touch it!" he shouted eagerly, with vehemence.

"No!" I cried, "I'm not touching anything!"

"C'mon! I've been on the road for five weeks... Touch It!"

"Mike... I'm not touching anything. You've got a wife and daughter waiting for you at home...Stop that!"

"Bah!" he said and turned his attention to Calypso.

"Hey sweetheart," he said to the back of Calypso's dark brown hair. She desperately tried not to look at him at all. "Touch it!" he said.


"Alright!" he acquiesced, but only for a moment. After a few minutes and the initial tension of the moment had been dampened he pointed to the figure on his polo and repeated to Calypso, "Touch it!" She again immediately looked away and said just as vehemently as he had before:


"Fine!" He sat in the seat next to Calypso and ordered another Red Bull and Vodka from the oblivious bartender.

An older lady entered the bar, sat next to Mike, and proceeded to play the video poker machine. She was wearing a polo shirt and baseball cap. It looked as if she had forgotten her teeth at home, but the girls and I could distinctly tell she was a she. This must have been completely lost on Mike because he turned to her and said:

"Hey! You got $20? I'd bet these nice ladies would be more than happy to give you a big old bear hug for $20."

Appalled that he was not only trying to pimp us out, but pimp us out to a woman, I said, "Mike! What the hell are you doing? You can't pimp out three girls you just met to a stranger! Especially not to another woman. What the hell is wrong with you."

Mike turned to the lady sitting next to him and drunkenly asked, "You're a woman?!"

It is finally at this point where the bartender came over and said something to the intoxicated Mike. He left soon after that stumbling out the door. I hope that when he got home he was able to talk his wife into touching it.

1 comment:

Lilith said...

LOL no way! did this really happen? You shoulda touched it and then just laughed at him. haha juskidden