Thursday, August 27, 2009


Sienna received a text today from a guy she has been seeing after he turned down coming over to watch movies on Calypso's new DVD player. It said, "I'm confused."

This, in turn, of course... confused Sienna. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"I thought we liked each other," was the reply. This, of course, confused Sienna and the rest of us even more.

Putting herself in check and biting on her text-ing thumb, she replies, "I do like you. I like you a lot...but I told you I wanted to take this slow. You agreed. We're supposed to be dating."

They've had three dates so far.

"Yeah... I'm still confused," is the reply.

Holding herself back from throwing her precious phone across the room she breathes deep... talks it through.... and then says, "Well, when will I see you then?"

"IDK" is the reply. I - D - K... which means "I don't know" for those of you who don't habla. He didn't even spell it out... just three little letters... I - D - K.

Calypso had a date the other night. She texts the guy the next day to let him know that she had a really good time. He never answers her. She texts him later in the day, inviting him to watch movies and giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe work was hectic and maybe he just couldn't return her message (even though he had just told her the night before that work was very slow and he was barely scraping by). His answer is short, curt, and to the point, "No thanks. Have fun."

There was no apology for blowing her off earlier... no explanation, no "I had a good time, too."..."Can't wait to see you again"... "I don't think we're right for each other".... nothing!

My guy... "the Christ-child" as the girls call him since I think he walks on water... just started a new job. Great! He's a little freaked by it and texts and calls me like crazy all day the day before he starts. Then BAM! the day of... absolutely nothing till the next day at one in the afternoon. At least there was an apology but then....BAM! nothing again till three in the morning.... another apology... and then... you guessed it... BAM! Nothing! It's two in the morning now and I finally got a message. I asked him to text me when he gets off at three. I said I would wait up.

Let's say it all together now: S A P!

They say that women are crazy. This is not true. Women are rational, easy-to-get-along-with human beings that can get along famously together and are quite comfortable alone until you add one ingredient.... M E N!

I was doing just fine... being behind my wall of protection... stocking the moat with predators.... living a great and fun-filled, no regret life until you decided to come along... to be charming... to have the right answers... to say the right things.... to look at me with adoration in your eyes... to make my heart melt just enough to open the gate just a little... to lay down the drawbridge so you could look into the courtyard of the castle defenses and BAM! now I'm a crazy mess of a SAP who is searching frantically for the mortar and cement!

WTF!? You cocksuckers! You cocksuckers with balls that look like pachyderm knees... and not the young elephants either... the old fuckers with their dried up, gnarled, rough, wrinkly-ass knees.... You freaking cocksuckers with your woven over-played stories of "poor me" and "you're so great!' and "I understand"... and God forbid you say, "I love you!".... you know what? Fuck you! You cocksuckers!

Wanna know how you spell the word 'cocksucker'?

It's spelled J-E-F-F and R-I-C-K and B-E-N and C-H-R-I-S and M-I-K-E and B-O and S-A-M and A-D-A-M and T-I-M and E-R-I-K and D-A-V-I-D (all seven of them) and.... shall I go on?

Oh wait...LOOK! It's after three now. I'd better go just in case the Christ-child decides to text me. Bye!


(This was a compilation of the conversation that me, Sienna, and Calypso had tonight. Just so you know... these aren't all my words... it was an orchestrated effort between the three of us as we ranted about our dating lives. We didn't protect anyone's identity. Like we freaking care.)

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