Ramblings by Elexia 08/10/09

My name is Elexia and I am over the age of forty. I've had my share of men in my lifetime... and relationships... and sometimes I wonder if its worth the effort. Love seems to be this fleeting thing that so many people just can't seem to grasp, but with every failure... no matter how miserable... they'll do anything to try again. I wonder about this sometimes... whether or not it's worth it? If Aphrodite's call to LOVE is the same as a siren's call to death upon the stony, craggy rocks of the oceans deep abyss..... if it's a death to the heart.... a death to the soul?

But then, every now and again, you get a glimpse... sometimes you're lucky to get a small taste... a small sip of that delicious elixir called LOVE and you know... you just know.... it IS worth it. LOVE, as an emotion is cruel and devilish... yet sweet and utterly sublime. It can quell the enraged beast yet can inflame the timid to action. Its haunt of aches and sorrows can disparage its call of tenderness and beauty. It is an emotion that can severely wrench the soul deep within whether in happiness or sadness. It is powerful and gentle. It is sweet and acidic.

I have been without love for a long time... the kind of love between two people that can be all the positive things in this world without fear of any of the negative. I have been cautiously guarding against it for a very long time.... fearful of what may transpire if I were to give in to that deep and desperate emotion that everyone longs for....

A crack appeared today.... a fault in the wall of that armour I've been tending to relentlessly for so long.... and the scary thing is is that I don't think I want to patch it. I think I want the breach to get widen... to allow for a taste... a sip... I just hope there are no mulberry trees nearby and someone doesn't accidentally call me Thisbe.

Gregorio Pagani "Pyramus and Thisbe"